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<title>Don't be like Lady Lyanna by ASOIAFside (UMsArchive)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24787663">Don't be like Lady Lyanna</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UMsArchive/pseuds/ASOIAFside'>ASOIAFside (UMsArchive)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Hypocrisy, Patriarchy, Westerosi sexism, a drabble, female on female opression, taught obedience</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:55:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24787663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UMsArchive/pseuds/ASOIAFside</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Most of Westerosi young girls have heard it at some point, but bitterness piles on as the apprehension of what they really mean by it sharpens in their minds.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lyanna Stark/Rhaegar Targaryen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't be like Lady Lyanna</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Every time female fans criticize Lyanna for being a 'whore' who should have just done what she was supposed to, and by not doing it she is either a manipulated simpleton, or an evil woman responsible for everything that happened, a bit of me dies inside. Like, congrats, you played yourself.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lady Lyanna Stark was a wicked, <em> wicked </em> woman. Everyone knew it. Every young girl learnt it sooner than they learnt most anything else about the world they lived in. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were taught embroidery. And they were taught singing. And they were taught manners. And each of these aptitudes were brought upon them harshly, demanding. But nothing came quite as crudely instructed as the presentation of their known superiors of rank.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They would point out names on paper, and warn them with wince inducing snaps of a book against desk to call for attention, <em> This is the King. This is the Queen. These are their children. This other is a Prince, too, son of the King. And this- This is disgrace.This is dishonour. This is Lady Lyanna of House Stark. And the Gods themselves can't save her soul </em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What did she do?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘She is a dishonor to her family.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What is she guilty of?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘She wilfully gave herself to a man, when her father wanted to give her to another.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> Don’t be like Lyanna Stark. Obey men unconditionally. Don’t be like Lyanna Stark. Keep quiet, and do what you are asked to do </em>. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘She is married to the King of sorts, isn’t she? Her son is a Prince.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Not good enough.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘What is good enough?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘A Queen. A First Lady to a man.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘For herself?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘For the prestige of<em> her family </em>. Her father. Her brothers. Her sons.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They frown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘A Lady is a valuable tool towards the betterment of her father and brothers’ prestige.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘<em> A Lady is a tool </em>,’ the young girls repeat, not so sure anymore. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As she is led down the aisle to a man 30 years her senior, who has already had her sister that she was replacing, whose skin she’s seen embellished with dark marks in their time bathing together, and who’s lost her her life and an unborn child in questionable miscarrying circumstances, she wishes she were not valuable - or at least not a tool. But her sister has not completed her purpose. No child was born. It was all for nothing. Her existence was all for nothing. Her obedience was all for nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The wretch has no embarrassment in admitting to using moon tea, that she lays with the King as she pleases, but won’t have more children unless she wants more of such, that she’s outrageously said as much to the man’s very face,” a middle aged noble woman says to her peers, cake and tea in between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her daughter sits in the corner, quiet and smiling as she was taught to be. Inside, though, something grows loud, and her features are twisting uglily. She is 25, and growing with child for a 5th time. She is weak. She is tired. She won’t admit she almost wants to be a wretch, and not feel so weak, and tired, and burdened. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She won’t be like… her aunt,” Septa Mordane throws the word out like a curse, like a holy vow to the mother in the room that such atrocity would not be allowed to happen. The younger Stark daughter sits on the couch, and the needle pierces her skin as it trembles against her stitching. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like what?” The girl’s lips tremble slightly as she dares to speak, but she boldly pushes the words out regardless, though her eyes don’t go as far as to seek the watchful gazes of the older women in the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doing what <em> she </em>wants.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Margaery Tyrell is 13. She widens her eyes to hear her grandmother’s hearty laughter at the preaching. “Any woman can be lauded for being ‘wicked’ these days by doing near nothing at all,” she wheezes quizzically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you don’t find her wicked <em> enough</em>, Grandma?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If she were wicked enough, she could have had <em> everything</em>. Be <em>more</em> wicked than the Stark woman, my dear. Any <em>less</em>, and you've already lost."</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I keep having to redirect people to this explanation, so might as well put it here:</p>
<p>    This is a 'drabble', and there's much to say on a subject I meant to leave open, definitely. But the idea I wanted it to send across is not "Lyanna was right", but rather an open ended "Was she really wrong, though?" I wanted to refer to many other women in canon for more examples as well (Elia included), but I was not in the mood for writing anything but a short drabble.</p>
<p>    It is not to say that the consequences her actions had on other people (Elia included) are right. It is meant to say that none of these women's circumstances are just, and they can never truly win, whether they are 'dutiful' or 'wicked'. Elia and Rhaella are described as 'dutiful'. They do what is asked of them. And it doesn't win them happiness, or fulfilment, or any real satisfaction. What is Elia there for, but to put Dornish blood on the Throne at the expense of her own health and dignity? They keep to the status quo, they have their respectable position, the legacy of their children. They keep up a pretence. They are tools to their families' legacy.</p>
<p>    Hence the examples I threw in of young women doing what is asked of them, and sitting there to hear of 'that awful woman' who wouldn't do what she's supposed to do, and go against the rules of polite society instead of being good and winning... a role in a masquerade of power play. Selfish she may appear to everyone, and yet she has things they wish they had. Did she take them nicely? No. Did it even go perfectly for her? No. Were there really many easy better ways? No. It's about the trap of patriarchy. To have any autonomy in most of Westerosi kingdoms, they either ought to play the game in order to gain status, distinguish themselves in their stereotypical roles as women, and build on that illusion that it's worth it, or turn away from womanhood in some kind of revolt (like Arya or Brienne), and being marginalised in the process. The setting of this drabble is Lyanna going for the second to some degree. Winning some personal battles while losing the sort of distinguishing women of her class can only have by concession to their duty (she has no position of power of any kind; she is no Queen or Lady of anything), and sacrificing her kinship with most women, who are either engrossed enough in internalized misogyny as to go wild at the concept of any woman crossing the lines, or those who envy her for the little freedoms completely out of their reach, or those who are indirectly affected by her decisions (like Elia). Also, by not suffering exactly they ways they suffer, she is no longer to be empathised with; she is no longer one of them.</p>
<p>    The case of Elia in relation to Lyanna is perhaps the big paradox here. Because the rules that tell us Lyanna is doing something outrageous and 'is dishonoured' in the process are from the same root as those that tell us Elia ought to be affected by those same actions and 'be dishonoured'. The same social constructs binds both of them. Within those bounds, Lyanna is the villain in Elia's story. But it is the very bounds that trap Elia as a victim, too. It's like one of those sticky flytraps. As you say, in a better world where women had real rights, there would be a divorce. Elia would have custody of her children. Elia would remake her life, have a career. Elia would not be married off for consequence and because the big powerful guy asked, to begin with. Lyanna might not be in need to run with a man to escape from another man. She would have her own thing. Her family would have no legal right over her life. She would not have to choose. They would not trip into the other's life in the way they did.</p>
<p>    The ending with Olenna is supposed to close this on that note. Elia is left with the position and respectability. Lyanna is left with a high degree of personal autonomy. The illusion is they are some big winners in their own way, and in opposition at that. But the reality is none is 'wicked enough'. The real goal is 'having everything', without compromises.</p>
<p>    I always see people either going off about Elia 'being in the way' or about Lyanna 'taking things that aren't hers'. I feel like the fandom is getting lost into the spiderweb here. They defend the patriarchal norms in the background every time they try to discuss how either of these women WOULD FIT NICELY INTO THE MOLD THEY MUST BE SQUEEZED IN JUST FINE if it only weren't for the other woman...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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